Fancy a quick lesson in how NOT to do SEO? 

Just take a look through our website. I mean, honestly, what were we thinking??  

First, there’s that bonkers video that rants on about rogues and balrogs and thunderdomes and all kinds of other deranged nonsense. Then there’s some web copy that is equally unhinged, lit up by graphic-draining, load-time busting stage effects. Then there’s a CTA that says ‘OH YEAH!!’ (?!?!). Then there’s all those service blurbs that are pretty much devoid of all logic, sense, and keywords. And to top it all off, there’s a bunch of bloody fire and glitter flying about! 

But despite our sub-optimal and self-indulgent tendencies… you still found us. 

Which can only mean that, when it comes to SEO, we are bloody WIZARDS!! 

Bloody SEO Marketing!!

No, you’re right. There is no wizardry when it comes to SEO. No wand you can waft, no spell you can sing, no trigger you can pull to make it all suddenly good. 

 You’ve just got to know what you’re doing, and then put in the work. So, how will we be doing your business’s SEO?  

 Well, we don’t want to bore you, so here’s the whirlwind tour: 


  • We get your website to run 2x – 5x faster 
  • We create and optimise your landing pages to rank for direct intent keywords 
  • We do extensive keyword research and implement them across your site 
  • We create informative and entertaining long-form content (blogs) that rank every time 
  • We make sacrifices to the Google Gods 

Um… ignore that last one. 

If you want to learn more about our specific SEO processes, you can check out this blog. Otherwise, you can kick back, crack open a beer, and watch as your business scales the rankings to new and dizzying heights – just one of many spectacles enjoyed with the Bloody Marketing Unlimited package! 


Super Excellent Optimisation 

So, want to chat? First, a little housekeeping.

Don’t be fooled by our boisterous bravado – it’s just a marketing persona. Delve deeper and you’ll find a highly professional and focused business, backed up by a team of marketers at the top of their game, fully committed to your success

We work hard to deliver results for our clients, and we take pride in our achievements.



We only deal with serious SMEs.

We want gamechangers, people who will invest in their future - no pretenders looking for a quick win. If you want that, hire a telesales person. Real, results driven marketing is a long-term investment, but the rewards are there for all to see.

Please, no tyre kickers! Only ass kickers need contact us. 😊

SEO Bloody Marketing!!

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