The ground broke so violently that I shat my pants.
Now there’s a sentence that might have, at the very least, grabbed your attention – unlike the following marketing words and phrases, which are so overused and meaningless that they are about as impactful as the word “impactful”.
So unless you intend to dig a hole (that’s what “groundbreaking” means, right?) and take a dump in said hole, I’d suggest avoiding these words and phrases at all costs.
Disruptive
This is literally a bad thing.
Thinking outside of the box
The next time someone tells you to think outside of the box, kindly explain to them that without boxes, the global supply chain would completely fall apart, and ordering uranium ore would be very difficult, and moving house would be a complete nightmare – so we are much better off doing things inside of boxes rather than outside of them, thank you very much.
Game-changer
You know what else is a game-changer? Playing tennis with a grenade instead of a tennis ball.
Revolutionary
Unless you’re selling wheels, I don’t see why describing something as going round and round is a good thing.
Innovative
It’s probably not.
Agile
Optimise
The only thing that’s being optimised is the amount of shits that the reader doesn’t give.
Take your business to the next level
Getting to the next level is all well and good, until you reach level 256. See, level 256 was never meant to be reached in the original game, so the code was only half-rendered; one half of the map was a jumbled mess of pixels, making only half the map usable, rendering the level impossible to beat.
I’m talking about Pac-Man, by the way, a thing that actually has levels. What the hell are you talking about?
Unique
This now means the opposite.
Maximise your potential
The pressure to “maximise your potential” creates an endless cycle of self-doubt and comparison. We are bombarded with messages that we must constantly improve, achieve more, and surpass our current capabilities. It fosters a culture of constant dissatisfaction, where we are made to feel inadequate if we are not constantly striving for some imaginary peak of achievement.
Moreover, this phrase fails to recognise the inherent value of being content with who we are and what we have already accomplished. It dismisses the importance of personal fulfilment, happiness, and well-being in favour of a relentless pursuit of some ill-defined pinnacle of success.
Synergy
Customer-focused
No shit!
Elevate your brand
To quote the Dalek who famously managed to elevate up a flight of stairs…
EXTERMINATE!!
Your success is our success
What is this, a totalitarian system of government in which a single authoritarian party controls state-owned means of production?
Experts
We really need to find another way of saying we’re ‘experts’ at something. How about…
Guru
Oh god, not that!
Utilise
Just say “use”, lol.
Agree?
Don’t answer that.
