It’s Burns Night, so here’s an old Scottish poem: To a business
Only, poetry is hard to understand even at the best of times. SCOTTISH poetry is bloody gibberish.
So we’ve included a translation next to every line. Enjoy!
To a business
Nice seeing yer honest, business face, [Nice to meet you,]
Great chieftain o’ your local space! [Local business owner!]
Above them all ye win the race [You will beat your competitors]
With Bloody Marketing [With Bloody Marketing]
An ootsourced service in yer place. [An outsourced service, by your side.]
…
The groaning platter there you fill, [Now your business looks great,]
Your sales like a distant hill, [Your sales are a beautiful sight]
Your brand wad help te mend a mill, [Your brand is a sight for sore eyes]
In time of need… [In times of need…]
While through your books the cash flows [While your cash flows healthily]
Like amber bead. [Like honey.]
…
His phone see Rustic-labour sharpen, [Your guess is as good as mine,]
And calls you up weth practised skill, [A customer calls you up… I think,]
Trenching your gushing features bright, [They learn about the features of your business]
Like any ditch; [Which you know thanks to your VALUE PROPOSITION]
And then, oh what a glorious sight! [Would you look at that…]
Benefits and outcomes, rich! [They’re aware of the positive outcomes of using your service]
…
Then, sale for sale, they stretch and strive [They come back for more]
Taking the hindmost, on they drive, [Er… not too sure about this one either,]
Til all their well-swollen bellies soon [Something about being full??]
Are tight as drums; [Maybe this Scottish poem thing was a bad idea;]
Then old customer, most likely to burst, [Happy customer? Yeah, let’s go with that.]
‘Thanks be’ hums. [Customer thanks you, because you rock!]
The End
Gonnae no’ dae that agin. Ma heid’s mince. [Not going to do that again. My head is scrambled.]
