To a Haggis [To a Business]

Written by Bloody Marketing


It’s Burns Night, so here’s an old Scottish poem: To a business

Only, poetry is hard to understand even at the best of times. SCOTTISH poetry is bloody gibberish. 

So we’ve included a translation next to every line. Enjoy!


To a business

Nice seeing yer honest, business face, [Nice to meet you,]

Great chieftain o’ your local space! [Local business owner!]

Above them all ye win the race [You will beat your competitors]

With Bloody Marketing [With Bloody Marketing]

An ootsourced service in yer place. [An outsourced service, by your side.]

The groaning platter there you fill, [Now your business looks great,]

Your sales like a distant hill, [Your sales are a beautiful sight]

Your brand wad help te mend a mill, [Your brand is a sight for sore eyes]

In time of need… [In times of need…]

While through your books the cash flows [While your cash flows healthily]

Like amber bead. [Like honey.]

His phone see Rustic-labour sharpen, [Your guess is as good as mine,]

And calls you up weth practised skill, [A customer calls you up… I think,]

Trenching your gushing features bright, [They learn about the features of your business]

Like any ditch; [Which you know thanks to your VALUE PROPOSITION]

And then, oh what a glorious sight! [Would you look at that…]

Benefits and outcomes, rich! [They’re aware of the positive outcomes of using your service]

Then, sale for sale, they stretch and strive [They come back for more]

Taking the hindmost, on they drive, [Er… not too sure about this one either,]

Til all their well-swollen bellies soon [Something about being full??]

Are tight as drums; [Maybe this Scottish poem thing was a bad idea;]

Then old customer, most likely to burst, [Happy customer? Yeah, let’s go with that.]

‘Thanks be’ hums. [Customer thanks you, because you rock!]


The End

Gonnae no’ dae that agin. Ma heid’s mince. [Not going to do that again. My head is scrambled.]

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